On My Knees For The Gimmes (The Not-So-Secret Prayer Of A Gold-Digger)

In a warm comfortable setting I’m down on my knees because I’m in need. Padded prayer rug, moderate temperature, low light and the mood is perfect for me to request minutia from the most high. My minor struggles easy for Him, I lay out the path by which He should resolve my issues without using up much of His time. With a list of memorized gimmes and an undertone of hopeful bonus expectations, I’m anticipating His omniscient allocation of the blessings I truly need; all requested in words I’m carefully parsing to disguise the various things I want and have no right to ask for. Looking for bonuses in my bounty, I profess a level of good I can never attain and I’m faithfully expectant of the extra blessings as a reflection of His ability to do more than I can ask or think. Fooling myself about my fool-hearted insincerity; hoping to capture the crumbs of the overflow and dishonestly denying that the crumbs were always the goal; I call out to my savior knowing that Lord doesn’t define our relationship. I want His way, my way but the still small voice won’t be still and was never really small in my ear; only in my priorities. It was still enough to allow me the freedom to entangle myself in unsanctioned movement toward the things I desired. Small enough to ignore for as long as I could fill my head with enough surrounding noise to temporarily drown out the sound of the call I feared would cause me to lose something I would be better off without.

Gimme patience, God, but please don’t make me suffer through the drudgery of enduring pain and the burdens of obnoxious people. Gimme comfort God, to ease my discomfort with the uncomfortable ensnarements I’ve created for myself. Gimme, gimme and give to me until I’m overflowing with gratitude for your gracious giving. I stop short out of respect and anticipate favor based on the brevity and simplicity of my request.

Not sure how I will find the patience to wait, I’m deciding what His answer will be as I formulate my plan to loiter in the bounty of my blessings. Eerily aware that He may not be in agreement, I begin to dismiss all things negative as a flaw in my upbringing. But credit me for having the faith to endure through this sacrificial exercise. Can’t help but think of how bad this kneeling and bending is for my posture though.

“God is not blind to our inner motives. He tells us to cleanse ourselves from all filth, not just of the flesh but even the heart and spirit.”

“He makes known to us His disdain for a gold-digger relationship.” “Good Or God” written by John Bevere