Reaching Back To Enjoy My Sorrows

Extended over the edge of a 24-hour day that seems more like 48; dragging sorrow and strife from yesterday, over the timeline; contaminating dreams of tomorrow. I’m wasting time I don’t have, looking past time I occupy, heading toward the times I’m not certain of. Merging anguish into my potential; potentially eliminating recovery to pick the scabs off healed wounds and immerse myself in re-injury. Un-finishing finishes and projecting discarded failures into the perfection of possibility; I’m free to destroy any chance of success in exchange for the joy of languishing in my own sadness. Turning back time trying to avoid tough times; I multiply my bad times, times the number of times I’ve resolved them. Never getting over things I’ve overcome, I go over them into overtime. Reflecting on broken mirror reflections, making broken glass appear like broken faces: breaking hearts. Orchestrating misery in the rubbish I refuse to release, I’ve become a hoarder of useless events and emotions; living in the dim light of an artificial existence; unaware of the shards of radiant sunlight beckoning me to turn toward the open door.

“Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:13-14 (NKJV)

“Let go. Why do you cling to pain? There is nothing you can do about the wrongs of yesterday. It is not yours to judge. Why hold on to the very thing which keeps you from hope and love?” – Leo Buscaglia